


It might be crazy (I do it anyway)

by normalfault



Series: more's not a crowd [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Alcohol, Bokuto is a Himbo, Comedy, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drugging, Flights, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Future Fic, M/M, Marijuana, OT4, Sex mentioned, TW: Vomit, This is crack, Vacation, akaashi doesn't get paid enough, also kenhina barely exists but i love them so here they are, bakt needs more content and i provide, drugged, i can't emphasize enough how dumb this is lol, its not bad i promise lol, its overall still fluffy and wholesome though i promise, no smut though, second chapter has some mild violence and drama, this is really an excuse for cute tsukki and memes, tsukishima is cute, tw: drugging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/normalfault/pseuds/normalfault
Summary: “Can we make out on the beach?” Bokuto asked excitedly. Akaashi groaned, hitting his head against the chair in front of him. The lady in the seat turned around to glare at him, and he apologized profusely.“Why are you asking that now?” Akaashi asked weakly. Kuroo laughed loudly, drawing looks from around them. Akaashi was going to die here. He hoped the plane crashed.---4 times Tsukki gets drugged and 1 time it finally happens to someone else
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: more's not a crowd [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839094
Comments: 99
Kudos: 681





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this title is a reference to hannah montana, and no, I'm not sorry
> 
> i wrote this instead of doing literally any other thing i had to do oops

Akaashi was going to kill someone by the end of their vacation, and it was not going to be pretty. The four of them had decided to go on a trip together at the end of last month - Koutarou had off on his intense volleyball schedule, and Kei had just finished his second semester of grad school, so it seemed like a great idea at the time. “The Bahamas is really nice,” Akaashi remembers Kenma telling them (although Kenma was very distracted by Hinata working out nearby). “The resort I’m recommending is so safe that even Kuroo won’t cause trouble. Plus, drinks included.” 

Akaashi had agreed, although he was trepidatious. He liked the beach, and he adored his boyfriends, but right now he felt more like a mother than anything else. The trip hadn’t even officially started yet, and he was going to throw Bokuto out of a window. “Kaashi, do you think I can bring my uniform?” Bokuto had asked him, bouncing up and down on his feet. Tsukki was on the couch, flipping through his emails and he snorted but ignored the question with a grace Akaashi couldn’t muster. 

“Why are you going to need it?” Akaashi asked him, voice monotone. 

“What if someone asks for a picture?” He pouted, leaning forward to peck Akaashi on the nose. “I’ll bring it and put it in Kuroo’s luggage!” Kei laughed again, nodding as if the comment amused him. Kuroo wasn’t there yet, still at work as he tied up some loose ends before they left in the morning. Neither Kuroo nor Bokuto had packed, and they were set up to wake up at 5 in the morning to make their flight. Akaashi was going to lose it. 

Tsukki gestured for Akaashi to come next to him, and he complied, leaning his head into Tsukki’s lap with a groan. “Just let them deal with it tonight,” Tsukki advised him. “If they forget things, that’s on them. You’re supposed to be relaxing too, you know.” Akaashi hummed in response, relaxing as Tsukki ran long fingers through dark hair. “We’ll go to sleep when we want to go to sleep, and if they stay up late they’ll just be more tired on the plane ride.” That could go one of two ways. Kuroo would definitely fall asleep, if left alone and not egged on by Bokuto too much. Bokuto would either be cranky or also fall asleep - Akaashi wasn’t sure which to expect. “Plus, Kuroo has those sleep meds for his fear of flying. We could encourage the use of them.” Akaashi snorted, burying his cheek into Kei’s thigh and nodding. “It’ll be ok.”

Akaashi was forever grateful for Tsukki, not that he wasn’t grateful for all his boyfriends. Tsukki was levelheaded though, and Akaashi had a feeling that they would be spending most of the vacation surviving together. “Kaashi!” Bokuto shouts from the room. “Did I stress you out? I’m really sorry!” He bounds out, kneeling on the ground and tilting his head so he’s eye-level with Akaashi. Keiji can’t help but smile, taking in Bokuto’s relieved laugh and letting him press a kiss to his forehead. “It’ll be lots of fun! I promise!” 

“Alright, Koutarou,” Akaashi agreed, “Do you need help packing, or have you finished?” 

“I’m almost done!” Bokuto promises him, patting his head and stretching. “Not sure when Tetsu will be home though, he still has stuff to pack.” Akaashi hummed in response, nuzzling further into Tsukki’s lap and closing his eyes. “Do you wanna take a nap?”

“Mm,” Akaashi murmurs, and Tsukki continues to play with his hair. “Wake me up in 20 minutes.” Tsukki hums an affirmation, and Akaashi’s eyes close. 

\---

By the time he woke up (which was way after the 20 minute mark), Kuroo had come home with takeout for dinner, and he was already packed. Akaashi breathed a sigh of relief, stretching and standing up so that Tsukki and him could join the other two at the kitchen table. “You’ll have time to sleep on the plane tomorrow,” Kuroo teases him, taking a piece of Akaashi’s pasta and eating it with a grin. Akaashi doesn’t answer, but he does make sure to kiss Tsukki and Bokuto in front of him to make him jealous. 

Before bed, Akaashi goes through the check list with all of them. “We all packed our medications? Sunscreen? Bathing suits? Bug spray? Credit cards? Passports?”

“Yes, yes, yes Keiji,” Tetsurou rolls his eyes, pushing Akaashi back into the bed while Tsukki and Bokuto shower. “Go to sleep. Alarms are set. We’ll be fine.” 

\---

Getting to the airport was easy and fun, Tsukki drove them and parked the car in the lot. Bokuto and Kuroo were both still sleepy, so they were quiet for the trip up until they walked into the plane and sat down. 

Then, it began. For an hour, everything seemed like it was going to be ok. Bokuto entertained himself with a movie that him and Tetsurou watched together. Tsukki was reading a novel he brought along. The movie finished, and Bokuto was bored. Akaashi was ready to kill someone. 

“Kaashi! Akaashi! Keiji!” Bokuto shouted at him. Bokuto was by the window, sitting next to Tetsu who was snickering. He sure did find this funny. Akaashi was going to throw him out the window. 

“Yes, Bokuto,” Akaashi winced, sighing in relief when Tsukki squeezed his hand. 

“Can we make out on the beach?” Bokuto asked excitedly. Akaashi groaned, hitting his head against the seat in front of him. The lady in the seat turned around to glare at him, and he apologized profusely. 

“Why are you asking that now?” Akaashi asked weakly. Kuroo laughed loudly, drawing looks from around them. Akaashi was going to die here. He hoped the plane crashed. 

“Can we play 20 questions?” Kuroo’s voice was dangerous, and Tsukki glared at him to get him to stop. It did not work. “I’ll start. Kei, do you have a crush?” 

“We’ve been dating for two years,” Kei deadpanned. “Keiji is going to be mad if you keep purposely trying to annoy him.”

“Are we annoying you?” Bokuto asked. Oh no. Akaashi would not be able to handle a dejected Koutarou. Not now. Not so soon.

“Of course not,” Akaashi assures him. The flight attendant pops by with their drinks, and Akaashi is grateful for the momentary distraction. It is short-lived, however. 

“Kei, switch seats with me,” Bokuto asks. “I wanna kiss Akaashi.” 

“You begged for the window seat, so stay in the window seat,” Kei responds, flipping his page. “Kiss Tetsu.”

“Tetsu says no,” Bokuto responds, blinking owlishly.

“Yeah, I say no,” Kuroo agrees, poking at Tsukki’s side. 

“Switch with Kuroo,” Tsukki deadpans. 

“Tetsu says no,” Bokuto says again. Tsukki closes his book, glaring intensely at Kuroo for egging Bokuto on and grabbing his hand. 

“We’re going to the bathroom.  _ Now _ .” Tsukki hisses. 

“That  _ hurts _ ! Tsukki!” Kuroo yelps as Tsukki drags him towards the edge of the seat. It’s only been a few hours, and Akaashi thinks it’d be best if he launched himself into the sky. And then he remembers. Tetsurou has a phobia of flying - he was probably being extra annoying to mask it. But, more importantly, he had sleeping medication (strong sleeping medication) stored in his bag so that if he needed to, he could be knocked out for the flight. Akaashi was a good boyfriend, but he was absolutely not above knocking out Kuroo for a few hours. For his own sanity. 

Akaashi waited until Bokuto was looking at some cloud formation before crushing up a large pill into Kuroo’s drink, and leaning back as the two of them returned. “Tsukki gave me a handy j in the bathroom-”

“I did  _ not _ ,” Tsukki hissed, pushing him into the seat next to Akaashi. “I’m separating you, so be good.”

“Yes, daddy,” Kuroo immediately said, eyes gleaming. Tsukki groaned, grabbing the drink on his table and downing it. The drink on his table. The table he switched seats with Kuroo to be in front of. Oh... _ fuck _ . “You drank my drink!” 

“Sorry, I forgot we switched,” Kei muttered. “It tasted weird anyways.”

“Tsukki, can I lean on you?” Bokuto asked, wrapping his body around Tsukki’s arm. Tsukki rolled his eyes, but muttered a yes under his breath. Akaashi sat in his seat and panicked for a minute or two, but there was nothing to be done. He drugged the wrong boyfriend - the only one giving him sanity on the plane. Perfect. When Akaashi excused himself to the bathroom about 15 minutes later, he read the label on the bottle that said he was supposed to split the pills in half. Akaashi screamed into his jacket, took a deep breath, and walked back to his seat. Kuroo was poking at Tsukki’s cheek, while his eyes were drooping. The blond swatted at his hand, frowning at his probable sleepiness (Akaashi made his boyfriend high, oh god). 

“Cut it out, Tetsu,” Tsukki murmurs, voice slurred. As a general rule, Tsukki hated falling asleep in public and hated falling asleep first. He was shy about it, which was ridiculous because he was a very cute sleeper. It probably had something to do with vulnerability, but he wouldn’t have a choice soon. 

“You tired, baby?” Kuroo asks, pressing a light kiss to Tsukki’s temple. 

“You wanna use me as a pillow? I’ll cover up your face if you want?” Bokuto smiled at him and Tsukki nodded, pushing the divider between them up and gratefully plopping his head onto Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto took a sweatshirt out from his backpack and tucked it around Tsukki’s eyes, grinning at his handiwork. “I think he’s already asleep...do you think he’s sick?”

“No,” Akaashi tells him, deadpanned. “I accidentally gave him Kuroo’s sleeping pills.”

“Oh,” Bokuto says, satisfied with the answer. “Wait, what?” 

“How do you accidentally drug someone?!” Kuroo hisses, frowning. “You wound me Kaashi! Were you trying to drug me?”

“Yes,” Akaashi frowns, pressing his fingers into his temples. “I have a migraine from the stress of this plane ride.”

“You should’ve said!” Kuroo rolls his eyes, “Kei is gonna be really upset.”

“Nah,” Bokuto disagreed. “He needed the sleep anyways! Plus, I gotta really comfy shoulder. And Kei never gets mad at Akaashi.” 

  
  


“If you have a migraine, you can lean against me I guess,” Kuroo mutters. “But I’m still mad at you! You owe me five dunks in the pool!” 

“One,” Akaashi argues, settling comfortably against Kuroo’s side. He sighed, nuzzling into his arm and relaxing. 

“Four!”

“One.”

“Three?” 

“One, Tetsu,” Akaashi’s voice muffled against Kuroo’s sleeve. “And I’ll ride you.”

“Wait! No fair!” Bokuto hissed, moving and jostling Tsukki off his side. Tsukki’s head crashes into the table attached to the seat in front of him, and the three of them wince. 

“ _ Bo _ !” Kuroo hisses, scrambling to pick Tsukki up off the desk.

“Oops! Shoot, sorry Tsukki!” Bokuto tells his unconscious boyfriend. He presses a sloppy kiss to Kei’s forehead. Kuroo removes his glasses, and Bokuto grumbles as he finagles them into a more comfortable position. “Well, I get Tsukki cuddles  _ in public _ !” Bokuto sticks his tongue out, running a hand through Tsukki’s hair gently. 

“Yeah, and he had to be unconscious for it! I get to dunk Keiji, and he’s gonna ride me!” The person in front of them turned around to glare again. 

“Shut up, or you get none of it,” Akaashi mutters. Kuroo’s mouth snaps shut, and Akaashi is left in peace for the rest of the ride. 

\---

“Kei, baby, c’mon we gotta get off the plane,” Kuroo nudges him, and Tsukki’s eyes open blearily. He makes a noise of complaint, holding out his arms for Bokuto to carry him. “Nope, you gotta walk babe. At least until we get out of security - then, Bo can carry you.”

Tsukki groans, rubbing at his eyes and looking around confused. “What’s happening?”

“We gotta get off the plane,” Tetsurou tells him patiently, unbuckling his seatbelt. He grabs Tsukki’s hand, tugging him towards the aisle. “Keiji, how much did you give him?”

“A whole pill,” Keiji answers, grabbing their luggage. “Koutarou, can you help me carry the bags please?” Bokuto nods, yawning and reaching in the overhead carrier to grab them. 

“Ha! Tsukki is high!” Kuroo snorts, interlacing their fingers and leading him off the plane. Tsukki pouted, removing his hand from Kuroo and shuffling towards Akaashi. “Wait, no babe, I’m sorry. Come back!” 

“Stay with Tetsu, love,” Akaashi murmurs gently, “I’ll let you nap when we get to the hotel.” Tsukki frowns, moving back towards Kuroo and following him quietly. They exited the plane, dragging along Tsukki and Bokuto (who was just easily distractible). When they retrieved their big luggage from the cart, Bokuto decided he had to go to the bathroom before they caught a taxi to the resort, so Akaashi and Kuroo waited outside until he came out. They started walking towards the doors. “Where’s Kei?”

“Oh,  _ shit _ !” Kuroo paled, running back towards the conveyor belt. Akaashi face-palmed, instantly regretting putting Kuroo in charge. It didn’t take him long to find him, Kuroo leading Tsukki back towards them looking dazed. 

“Nap?” He asked Akaashi, who links their arms together, glaring at Tetsurou with a passion.

“In a few minutes, baby,” Akaashi promises. “I’m very sorry for drugging you. It was an accident.” They wait outside for a taxi, and Kei falls asleep easily in the car, leaning on Koutarou again. He did have comfy shoulders for sleeping on. The three of them were also exhausted, having been beat up by the flight, and it was hitting them harshly on the drive. The taxi driver parked in front of their resort, Kuroo paid him and the four of them managed to stumble out of the car. “Bo, just carry him.”

“Ok, but I call dibs on Tsukki cuddles,” Bokuto declared, letting Tsukki jump on his back and nuzzle into his neck. Tsukishima was actually the best cuddler of the group, despite his cold exterior. He was very warm and soft when sleepy - unfortunately, he also tried very hard not to sleep attached to them, so his cuddly moments were rare. They made it their room, and Bokuto deposited Tsukki on the bed gently. His eyes closed almost immediately. “Tsukki-babe, lemme get you in clean clothes.” 

“I’ll do it, Koutarou,” Akaashi assures him. “Considering this is my fault.” Bokuto shrugs, going to shower with Kuroo before they take a nap. “Love, I’m gonna get you in pajamas, alright?” Kei blinked up at Akaashi and turned over. “I’m very sorry for giving you the pill by accident,” Akaashi struggles to pull Tsukki’s t-shirt off. 

“What do you mean?” Tsukki slurs back at him. “I’m tired.”

“I know,” Akaashi tells him, “Come on. Fresh t-shirt and new sweatpants and then you can take a nap with Koutarou.”

“Nap now,” Tsukki argues, flopping back onto the bed. “Wanna nap with you.” 

“Maybe I’ll join in,” Akaashi helped Tsukki into new pajama pants. Koutarou and Kuroo exit the shower, laughing about something they found hilarious (which probably wasn’t). Bokuto grinned, climbing into the bed next to Kei and opening his arms up and beaming when Tsukki crawled into them. 

“You smell good,” Tsukki murmurs against him. Bokuto hums in acknowledgment and rubs circles into their blonde’s back softly. Akaashi sighed and prayed to every power he could think of to make this go better. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet you thought i'd continue this with more vacation story? nope, tsukki gets accidentally drugged again. got you there, readers. TW: drunkness, drugging, vomit

Bokuto was a simple man with simple needs: volleyball, good food (particularly barbecue), his three smoking hot boyfriends...he didn’t see the reason for much else. Every once in a while, his boyfriends spoiled him by giving him something extra fun to do, even if it wasn’t really their thing.

For example, going out. Kou and Tetsu normally frequented a gay bar - it was their thing. They liked to get drunk, dance on each other, maybe meet up with some old friends, return home and pass out on their giant king-sized bed until Akaashi and Tsukki forced them to go shower. It was a tradition, at this point. Akaashi wasn’t a big fan of bars and alcohol in general; he’d much rather have a night in with Tsukki on the couch, cuddling and watching a documentary on something that Koutarou really didn’t follow. Kei didn’t like the scene much either, but he was more willing to come with them than Keiji was. 

Which is why Bokuto was now begging Tsukki to join Kuroo and him at their frequented spot. If Tsukki said yes, Akaashi might say yes. Then ALL of them could be together and drunk and happy and Bokuto _really_ wanted that to happen. “Pleaaaase Tsukki!” Bokuto whined, laying his arms across Tsukki’s shoulders from behind and leaning into him. Tsukki stumbled forward at the weight, scoffing. 

“Can’t you go with Kuroo?” Tsukki deadpans, trying to pry Bokuto off of him. 

“He’ll come, but it’ll be more fun with you there,” Bokuto murmurs into his ear, nuzzling in the back of Tsukki’s neck. He noticed the flush travel up to his boyfriend’s ears, and he knew he had won. “I’ll watch you the whole time, and we can go home when you want!” 

“...fine,” Tsukki mutters, begrudgingly. He turns around, pressing a light kiss to the corner of Bokuto’s mouth. “But you have to convince Keiji to come.”

“Yes!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Bokuto grinned, pulling the blond in for another, deeper kiss. “I love you!” Tsukki rolled his eyes, but he was obviously pleased with the attention (although he’d never admit it). 

“What’s all the excitement about?” Akaashi asks, emerging from their bedroom after taking a light nap. He had returned from work exhausted, having stayed up late at night to finish up a huge project. “Are you joining them tonight?” Akaashi yawned, stretching and sighing happily as Bokuto wrapped his whole body around him. He was still warm from his nap, and Bokuto soaked it up greedily. Kei nodded, heading to the counter to start dinner. 

“Can you come too, Keiji?” Bokuto asks, rubbing his cheek into Akaashi’s hair. “It’ll be a celebration for finishing your project! And Kei will be there! And me and Kuroo will be there! And I’ll be extra watchful! And-”

“Arlight, alright,” Keiji rolls his eyes, but he has a small smile on his face. “I’ll come, but when I want to leave, we’re leaving.”

“Yes sir!” Bokuto saluted. 

“Oh? We have a full house for our night out?” Kuroo must have just gotten in. He loosened his tie and grinned at the scene in front of him. “I love our little housewife Tsukki.”

“Keep that up and you’re not getting dinner,” Tsukki glares at him. 

“Kidding! Love you, baby,” Kuroo pressed a kiss to Tsukki’s temple and went to go change. “We’ll eat and then head out?” 

“Sounds good to me!” Bokuto cheered, still holding onto Keiji tightly. “I can’t wait!”

\---

Bokuto was practically bouncing with excitement, waiting at the door with Akaashi as his other boyfriends finished up getting ready. Akaashi always looked pretty, but he didn’t always like to dress up. He preferred soft sweaters and looser slacks (which made him look really cute! Bokuto wasn’t complaining!), but tonight he put on his only pair of skinny jeans and one of Bokuto’s sweaters, tied up at his waist, showing the teensiest bit of skin. Bokuto wanted to skip going out and walk right back to their bedroom, but he had been looking forward to this, so he was ok waiting. 

Kuroo dragged Tsukki out of their room. “Babe, you look fine! I promise! C’mon, let’s go!” Kuroo pushed Tsukki towards the door (he was obviously unhappy). Tsukki was probably the one who cared most about his appearance. He liked to tell Bokuto that he was lucky Kei was there to dress him because otherwise he’d be lost. Koutarou agreed - he would definitely be lost without the four of them! Mostly cuz he loved them so much! 

Tsukki had on tight ankle-length dark grey pants and an oversized patterned collared shirt. He looked amazing - as per usual. Bokuto grinned, making grabby hands towards him. “We’re gonna have to fight people so they don’t try and take you two from us!” Bokuto teases. Kuroo laughs, wrapping a hand around Tsukki’s waist after they lock their door on the way out. 

“I want one dance each,” Kuroo tells them. “And a round of shots, and-”

“Relax,” Tsukki scolds. “Don’t push your luck.”

“You can’t say no to my good looks, baby,” Kuroo’s eyebrows wiggle and Tsukki shoves him away. Akaashi laughs next to them, moving forward to hold Kuroo’s hand when they reach the line for the door. Bokuto replaces Kuroo’s hold, knowing that Tsukki would feel much safer attached to him than separated. They got in easily, Kuroo and Bokuto both knew the bouncer so it wasn’t a big deal to come with Tsukki and Akaashi. 

“I’ll go get us drinks,” Tsukki told them, Bokuto sloppily kissing his cheek and watching their boyfriend push past in the crowd. Kuroo chased after him, laughing at the way Tsukki rolled his eyes, and Bokuto was left with Akaashi. They settled in a high booth, Akaashi squeezing in as close as possible to Bokuto, who preened at the attention. 

“You good, babe?” Bokuto asked, peppering his neck with kisses. Akaashi laughed, accepting the affection gratefully. He nodded, settling into Bokuto’s side and looking at the dance floor. Kei and Kuroo returned quickly with the usual orders - Kuroo’s old fashioned, Akaashi’s tequila sunrise, Bokuto’s beer with a lime, and Tsukki’s vodka cranberry. Kuroo and Tsukki pushed into the other side of the table, yelling a conversation over the music and the overall sounds of drunk idiots getting it on. It was then when Kuroo dragged Tsukki and Akaashi to dance while Bokuto chatted with some random club-goer. The guy was a fan (Bokuto loved attention from fans), and they were deep in a conversation about Bokuto’s pregame ritual when at the corner of his eye, he noticed someone slip a white tablet into his favorite blond’s red-tinted beverage. Bokuto scowled, excusing himself from the conversation and picking up the drink. 

He walked towards the bar, asking the bartender for a new drink and waiting impatiently at the counter. When he received Tsukki’s new drink, he poured one of them out and walked back to their table. Luckily, the three of them had returned. Kei looked flustered and annoyed, grimacing at a laughing Kuroo and an amused Akaashi. “Bo, he needs to drink that whole thing. He lost a bet,” Kuroo teased, poking at Tsukki’s side. Kei scowled, swatting his hand away and grabbing at the drink. He downed the whole thing, grimacing at the taste and crossing his arms. 

“There? Happy?” Tsukki muttered. Kuroo nodded, cackling, and tugging him back towards the dance floor. Bokuto didn’t want to ruin their night bringing up the incident, so he kept it to himself. Besides, he fixed the issue before it became a big deal. 

“Where did you go, Koutarou?” Akaashi asks him. They had linked arms as Keiji moved them towards where Kei and Tetsu had gone. 

“Oh, the bar!” Bokuto had a new beer, so Akaashi must have assumed that was why because he nodded at the answer. “Miss me?”

“I wanted to dance,” Akaashi murmurs, pulling him down for a deep kiss. “We haven’t gone out in a long time.” 

“Yeah,” Bokuto agreed, dazed. “Do you think, if this goes well, we could do it more often?” 

“Maybe,” Akaashi’s smile was dangerous. “All I can think about is getting you home, though.”

“And then what?” Bokuto lowered his voice, pressing against his boyfriend and leaning down. It had been about 20 minutes since he had gone to the bar and 20 minutes since Tsukishima had chugged his drink. 

“Babe, you are _not_ this much of a lightweight,” Tetsurou shouts, concerned. He was practically carrying Kei at this point, moving them to a table in the back. 

“I don...I don’t feel good,” he slurred out. “‘M not drunk, Tetsu.” Tsukki rubbed at his eyes and stared at the floor. “It’s spinning.” 

“Jesus, did you drink while we didn’t notice Kei?” Tetsurou asked, frowning and pushing his hair back. 

“No...no I only had one...I’m...bathroom…” Kei held at his mouth, cheeks puffing dangerously and Kuroo’s eyes widened as he rushed them towards the toilets. Kuroo rubbed his back in soft circles while he emptied the contents of his stomach, reaching towards his phone to call Bokuto and Akaashi. 

“Fuck, I can’t get service. I’m gonna step outside and find them, I’ll be right back, baby,” Kuroo assured him. “Don’t move, ok?” Kei nodded, leaning his head against the toilet and rubbing the tears from his eyes. “Stay awake! It’ll only be a second.” Kuroo moved out from the bathroom and surged towards where he last remembered Akaashi and Bokuto were. They had moved, but he quickly found them making out against a wall. “We have a problem,” Kuroo says. The two of them are giggling though, still feeling the effects of alcohol. 

“Yeah, that you’re not joining us,” Akaashi murmured. Kuroo frowned. 

“No, a real problem. I think Kei is sick. He’s throwing up in the bathroom, but he only said he had one drink. He’s really out of it too.” Instantly, the two of them sobered up. Bokuto looked suspiciously pale, and Kuroo zoned in on him. “Bo, do you know something?”

“Uh...some guy put something in his drink earlier? But I got him a new one and poured it out!” Bokuto assured them. “I swear! I went to the bar and everything! Unless...unless I poured out the wrong one...oh my god-”

“Someone drugged our boyfriend,” Akaashi says slowly. “He’s been roofied and you left him in the bathroom?!” 

“I didn’t know!” Kuroo hisses, the three of them rushing back and slamming open the door. “Kei, we’re back! I’m sorry I left, I had no idea-” The three of them stared at a man who was doing two things: one, he had his hands on their very incapacitated lover, two, he was trying to convince the people in the bathroom that Tsukki was _his_ boyfriend and he was taking him home. “Who the hell are you?” 

“Oh, this is my boyfriend,” The man explains casually. “He drank too much, so I’m taking him home.”

“That’s really interesting,” Kuroo continues. Tsukki seems to be out for the count, barely registering their voices. “Because I’m pretty sure that is _our_ boyfriend. Now, get your dirty hands off of him if you don’t want me to kick you so hard in the balls that they burst and you never get it up again,” Kuroo hisses. Bokuto stands up taller, eyes narrowing in response. 

“You should listen,” Bokutuo says, voice dangerously low. “If he misses, I won’t.” The man gulps, dropping their boyfriend and running out of the door as fast as his stubby legs could manage. Akaashi rushed forward to catch him, shushing the whimpers Tsukki made. 

“Ignore him and let’s go home,” Akaashi commands, “Bokuto, help me carry him.”

“On it, chief!” Bokuto scooped Tsukki up onto his back, moving towards the entrance. “I’m sorry baby. I thought I poured the right drink out. I’ll make you pancakes tomorrow to make up for it. I’m really super duper sorry!” Tsukki hummed in response, burying his face into Bokuto’s neck. Akaashi sighed, opening the door to their apartment and helping Kuroo get Tsukki’s shoes off. Bokuto plopped him onto their bed, kissing his forehead gently. “Wanna drink some water, Tsukki-babe?”

He shook his head, curling up onto his side to avoid contact. “Love, please drink some water.” Akaashi murmurs gently, carding his hand through Tsukki’s hair. “It’ll make you feel better.” Tsukki glared at them through half-lidded eyes, trying to sit up and failing miserably. “It’s alright, Tetsu can you help him sit up?” 

“On it,” Kuroo agrees, sitting down on their bed and scooping Kei into his lap. “You’ll be ok, baby. I’m sorry we weren’t paying good enough attention.” 

“I’s ok” Tsukki slurs out, leaning back against Kuroo and sipping the water Akaashi offered him through a straw. “Feels funny.”

“I know, but you’re safe now,” Akaashi tells him, “Let’s get you in pajamas.”

“No, lemme sleep,” Tsukki argues, trying to pry Kuroo’s hands off of him. 

“Pajamas and then sleep. C’mon, I got your fuzzy dinosaur pants,” Kuroo laughs when Kei begrudgingly nods. They help him get undressed, throwing on the legendary pants and one of Bokuto’s worn out t-shirts. Within seconds, he passes out on their bed, glasses thrown on the bedside table. Bokuto frowns. 

“I can’t believe I let that happen...I’m so stupid! He could have gotten _kidnapped_! I would never live with myself...I’m the worst boyfriend ever, I-”

“Kou, c’mon,” Kuroo rolled his eyes, moving to get in his own pajamas. “You tried your best. We shouldn’t have made him chug his drink. That creep shouldn’t have drugged him. It’s no one’s fault, but it’s alright. We’re all safe now, and we’ll spoil him extra tomorrow.”

True to his word, Tsukki woke up to Bokuto’s strawberry pancakes, lots of kisses and apologies, and a promise to have each other’s backs as best they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy xoxoxo leave comments and kudos if You Please <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: recreational drug use

Kenma lived in California with his boyfriend, famous volleyball player Hinata Shouyou, playing video games on YouTube and being rich. It was a position that Kuroo was sort of jealous of, not that Kuroo didn’t love Japan or his own personal famous volleyball player boyfriend (among others), but California seemed intrinsically different. The attitude was relaxed, being gay wasn’t as much as an issue, and Kenma seemed really happy. He was facetiming Kenma late at night, the distance making him particularly needy. “You need to relax, Kuroo,” Kenma deadpanned. “You’re being annoying.” 

“No,” Kuroo answered back easily. Kenma’s insults never really had any bite to them. “I haven’t seen you in forever, and you’re my best friend. I’m allowed to be annoying.”

“Where are one of your three other torture victims?” Kenma muttered, looking up from his switch to greet Hinata with a rare smile, who had just walked in. 

“Kei has a research presentation on his latest project,” Kuroo started, scowling at the lack of attention. “Keiji and Bokuto are with Konoha and here I am, alone. Who am I supposed to call?” 

“Lev?” Kenma offered, kissing Hinata on the forehead and making a noise of discomfort when he pinched Kenma’s cheek in response. “You’re sweaty - go shower.” Kenma watched as Hinata skipped off towards their bathroom. 

“Absolutely not. He never shuts up about having sex with Yaku,” Kuroo groans. “And Nobuyuki tells me that I’m ugly and hangs up. And Yamamoto is too loud. And-”

“Alright, alright,” Kenma rolled his eyes, “Just fly to California or something. Here, I’ll buy you tickets right now. I’ll buy two just in case.” 

“Wait, Kenma-” Kuroo started to say. 

“It’s done.” Kenma looks up into the camera. Ah, so he missed Kuroo too. “Your flight leaves in two hours.”

“ _ Kenma _ ,” Kuroo hisses, standing up and moving to his room. The happiness of knowing Kenma wanted to see him dwindled away as he realized he had to pack  _ right now _ . “How much did you just spend? Who the hell am I supposed to bring with me? All of my boyfriends are busy and-why the...why’d you pay for the tickets?!”

“I’m bored. Plus, Shouyou is going away to a game this week and I’ll be lonely. It’s not a big deal, Kuroo,” Kenma went back to focusing on his game as Kuroo scrambled to pack a bag. 

“Tetsu, I’m home,” Kei’s voice echoed from the doorway, and Kuroo breathed a sigh of relief. Someone to bring with him! Was a note enough for Keiji and Koutarou?

“Hey babe?” Kuroo called from their room. “How’d your presentation go?” He loved when Kei wore his cute little researcher outfits. He always wore oversized sweaters and cuffed ankle slacks. 

“It went great, they even funded the second half of the research. I got a few days off as a reward from my boss-” Tsukki walked into their bedroom, stretching his arms far above his head and yawning. 

“Perfect. Come with me to California?” Kuroo started throwing Kei’s clothes in his bag. He took a second to admire the view before moving back to packing. 

“Like...right now?” Kei asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. Kuroo nodded, gesturing towards his suitcase aggressively. “Why?” 

“Because Kenma is bored,” Kuroo explains, as if that made any sense. Tsukki looked into the FaceTime call and raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m bored,” Kenma offered. Tsukki blinked, debating if this was worth the argument or not. Kenma and Kuroo’s relationship always confused him, but he liked Kenma well enough. And he didn’t mind a vacation. 

“But Keji and Koutarou-” Tsukki interjected.

“I already texted Akaashi and he said it was ok,” Kenma answers. Of course he did. 

“He...I- _ Kuroo _ -” Kei held his head in his hands and took a deep breath. 

“Baby? Babe? Tsukki? Love of my life?” Kuroo held Tsukki’s cheeks in his hands and squished them together, lifting his head up. “I’ll be quiet on the plane ride. I’ll let you eat strawberry shortcake for dinner. I’ll buy you as many iced coffees as you want. I’ll suck your dick. I’ll-”

“Okay, stop!” Kei hisses. “Fine! Whatever! When’s the flight?” Kuroo’s smile made it worth it, even if Tsukki refused to take the scowl off his face. Yeah, he was soft. Didn’t need Kuroo to know that. 

“Two hours,” Kuroo states, pressing a sloppy kiss to Tsukki’s lips and going back to his clothes. 

“An hour and a half now,” Kenma offers. “See you soon.” He hangs up the phone and Tsukki sighs, staring at the ceiling and begging for a reprieve. 

“Can you help me pack, hot stuff?” Kuroo asks, his grin was shit eating. Kei was going to lose his mind.

\---

Kuroo was not quiet on the flight. They barely made it on time, first of all. Kei had not been a fan of planes since the last  _ incident _ . He avoided every drink, having had terrible luck with consuming anything recently. Kenma bought them first class seats, which was absolutely ridiculous, and Kuroo called him angrily when they were at the airport, hissing over the phone about how Kenma needed to stop spending money on him. Kenma seemed to find it amusing, if Tsukki had any guesses about it. 

“He’s ridiculous,” Kuroo muttered, running a hand through his messy hair. 

“Why am I coming again?” Kei asked, ignoring Kuroo’s pointed look. 

“Because I hate travelling alone and because you love me?” Kuroo offered, smiling sweetly. The flight itself wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good either. Kuroo fell asleep, but he snored for half of it and drooled all over Tsukki’s favorite sweatshirt (which he stole from Bokuto, but that’s not important). The other half of the ride, Kuroo tried to convince Tsukki to let them “join the mile high club”. Kei was gonna lose it. 

When they finally landed, Kuroo got them an uber and they made their way to Kenma’s stupid mansion in stupid Los Angeles. Kei was going to sleep for an eternity. He was going to let Kuroo and Kenma go mess around while he passed out in whatever luxurious guest room Kenma offered. He had been up late for the past few days working on the presentation of his archeological research for the museum he worked for. He was proud of it, but it was also exhausting. 

He also actually liked Kenma. Compared to Kuroo, Kenma was calm and very easy to sit in silence with. They couldn’t get in too much trouble together, even if Kuroo was really good at finding it. 

The drive over was composed of Kei telling Kuroo all about his presentation, fiddling with the fingers on Tetsurou’s hand and trying not to sound too excited. Kuroo knew Kei really loved his research, but he still had a front to put on. Kuroo hummed along, having looked into what Kei was studying (because he was doting and loved to listen to what his boyfriends’ were passionate about). “I’m so proud of you, baby,” Kuroo murmured, kissing Tsukki softly on the nose and laughing when he crinkled up his face at it. “You’re gonna nap when we get there?” 

“Mhm,” Kei agreed, scrolling through his emails. “I’ll let you two have your private friend time or whatever. Wake me up if you get dinner?” 

“Sure thing baby, you look absolutely beat. Thank you for coming with me, by the way,” Tetsurou told him, grabbing their bags from the back of the car. “You’re the best.”

“Mhm,” Tsukki agreed, too tired to really argue with him. When they walked in, Kuroo went to go find Kenma, and Tsukki went right into the guest room Kenma normally gave them. He changed into pajamas and collapsed onto the king-sized bed, falling asleep quickly. 

\---

Kuroo spent a few hours losing to Kenma at Mario Kart, ordering take-out and saving Tsukki a plate. Kenma wasn’t offended at Tsukki’s immediate trip to the guest room - he probably preferred it honestly. Not that Kenma didn’t like Tsukki, but he wasn’t really in the mood to deal with people who weren’t Hinata or Kuroo at the moment. “Wanna try the edibles I bought?” Kenma asked. 

“The  _ marijuana _ edibles?!” Kuroo hissed, turning red at the thought. He was such a nerd about that type of stuff.

“It’s legal here?” Kenma shrugged. “It’s fine. Just makes me really tired. Shouyou can’t ever do it with me because it’s against his team contract. Iwaizumi used to come over and smoke with me though.” Kenma pulled out the array of options he had. “They taste good.” 

“I’m sure they taste good, but I just…” Kuroo trailed off. “Not really my thing, Kenma.”

“Alright, whatever,” Kenma popped a gummy bear in his mouth. He smiles teasingly. “You’re a virgin.”

“I’m not-! Don’t be  _ rude _ !” Kuroo shoved Kenma, who was smirking, taking another gummy and then settling back onto the couch. “I’m not a virgin! I have done lots of sexual things, and I... _ Kenma stop laughing! _ ” 

“Right, right sorry,” Kenma did not stop laughing, watching as Kuroo moved back to the couch with him. “Want to play Mario Party?” 

They spent another hour playing until Tsukki wandered downstairs in a pair of black joggers and an oversized sweatshirt. “Hi,” he called to the couch. 

“Hey babe, food’s on the counter, it’s all fair game at this point,” Kuroo answered, not looking up from the Wii. “Fuck! Stop winning the minigames!”

Kei yawned, stumbling to the kitchen and looking at the array of food they had gotten. There was the obvious take-out Chinese food, but Tsukki’s appetite always sucked after a day of travelling. He wasn’t super hungry...Kuroo would yell at him if he didn’t eat though. He sighed, seeing the gummy bears on the counter and eating a few before sitting next to Kuroo on the couch. “Kei, you definitely didn’t eat enough. C’mon, go put a little bit of food down.” Kuroo raised an eyebrow at him, and Kei hummed noncommittally. 

“I did so,” He argued, opening up a snapchat from Akaashi and smiling softly. 

“What’d you eat?” Kuroo pestered him. “I’ll tell Bo and he’ll sit you down and make you eat a ton if you don’t!” 

“I had some of the candy on the counter,” Kei waved his hand at Kuroo, to get him to stop bothering him. 

“Oh,” Kuroo sighed, obviously disappointed but somewhat sated. “Wait...the candy on the counter? Like  _ the  _ candy on the counter.” Kuroo choked out. He looked concerned and Kei raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah? The gummy bears?” Kei rolled his eyes. Kuroo was being super annoying. 

  
“How many?” Kenma asked weakly. Tsukki shrugged, going back to his phone. 

“I don’t know. Like five or six?” Tsukki looked up at them suspiciously. They were both staring at him, mouths open. “...what did I just eat?” 

“Uhhh…” Kuroo cleared his throat. “I’m gonna um...borrow Kenma for a second! I’ll be right back! Very important best friend business!” 

“Tetsurou!” Tsukki shouted after them. “Stop being weird!” 

Once Kenma and Kuroo were out of earshot, Kuroo started pacing wildly back and forth. “Oh my god,” Kuroo hissed. “Oh my  _ god _ .”

“This isn’t that big of a deal, Kuroo,” Kenma says. He normally doesn’t emote, but he looked pretty nervous. “He’ll be fine. We should get him to go back to sleep though. In case the high is bad.” 

“How long will it take to kick in?” Kuroo said pathetically. “We just drugged my boyfriend. Akaashi is going to murder me. He barely  _ drinks _ Kenma! This is  _ terrible _ !” 

“It should take a few hours,” Kenma mutters, biting the inside of his lip. “Five is a lot.”

“I don’t know what to do,” He whined miserably. “I’m calling Keiji.”

“Don’t tell Keiji on us,” Kenma scowled at him, frowning. “Then he’ll be mad at me too.”

“We are going down together, you ass!” Kuroo held his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe he just let his boyfriend ingest that much marijuana. “Fuck!” 

“Are you done being a freak?” Tsukki asked from the living room. “I’ll eat some real food, just cut it out.”

“Should we tell him?” Kenma asked, looking back where the voice came from. 

“No!” Kuroo hissed. “Absolutely not. He’ll freak out and then tell Akaashi on both of us! We’ll just...gently push him towards the idea of sleeping and then hopefully it’ll work out.” The two of them exited the hallway as casually as they could, Kenma putting away the gummies and wincing at the thought of a first time high being off of five edibles. “You should eat some more and then head back to bed,” Kuroo offered, clearing his throat and blinking. His eyes were way too wide, but Tsukki wasn’t looking at them. 

“I’m not tired,” he said back, scrolling through his instagram. “Did you know Iwaizumi and Ushijima were friends?” He asked nonchalantly. “They posted a picture with each other on instagram.” 

“That’s really interesting baby, want to eat food?” Kuroo brought him a plate with some random food on it. Kei grimaced at it. 

  
“I’m not hungry,” He poked at it. 

“Eating will help,” Kenma interjected. Tsukki paused, staring up at both of them, eyes narrowed. Something was definitely happening. He just wasn’t sure what. 

“Help what?” Tsukki asked carefully. 

“Your mood! Because um...you seem grumpy!” Kuroo cleared his throat, smiling as best he could. “It’ll help with that!” 

“...right,” Kei sent a message out to what looked like Akaashi, and within seconds, Kuroo received a call. 

“What did you do?” Keiji asked impatiently, tone annoyed. “Kei says you’re acting weird, and I believe him.”

“Nothing, sweetie,” Kuroo promised, trying to make his voice as smooth as possible. “We’re super good over here!”

“Kuroo…” Keiji’s voice was dangerous. “What happened?” 

“You want me to go in the hallway to say something privately? Babe! Of course!” Kuroo said loudly, Kei rolled his eyes and Kenma sat back down across from him, eyeing the blond warily. “Ok, so don’t be mad-”

“Kuroo!” 

“So Tsukki may or may not have accidentally consumed some cannabis gummies, theoretically a lot of them, and maybe he might have no idea?” Kuroo finished, rocking back and forth nervously. 

“Oh my god,” Keiji outwardly groaned. “Tetsu!” 

“I know! I don’t know what to do! Help!” Kuroo bit his lip, peering back at Kenma and Kei in the living room. 

“Tell him?” Keiji hissed into the phone. 

“No! He’ll freak out! He could get paranoid or something! He should just sleep it off, right?” Kuroo winced at his own idea. This whole thing was so bad. 

“Tetsurou, I swear to  _ god _ -” 

“I love you Akaashi! Goodnight! Talk to you tomorrow!” Kuroo finished loudly, hanging up and hitting his head against the wall. Ok, this was fine. He would just...he would figure it out. 

\--- 

A few hours later, they thought that maybe they had gotten away with the whole thing. Nothing had been weird or anything. Kei seemed totally fine! Kuroo almost felt like things would work out. He was wrong. Kenma said something dryly. It wasn’t that funny - some kind of insult to Kuroo, he thinks. Tsukki started laughing, like really laughing, and he wouldn’t stop. It was a very un-Tsukki-like laugh too, kind of giggly and uncontrolled. Kenma and Kuroo made eye contact. Ah, so it was starting then. 

“Babe, maybe we should head to sleep?” Kuroo offered. Kei shook his head, giggling still, and resting his head on Kuroo’s shoulder. 

“No, I feel great,” he declared, staring at his fingers and breaking into another fit of laughter. “Remember when Ushijima broke all my fingers? Well...I guess you wouldn’t...you weren’t there-” Tsukki laughed again at that, moving to take his glasses off so he could wipe away tears. 

“Alright, bed time,” Kuroo tried to drag Tsukki up, but he was not having it. 

“Baaaabyyyy. I’m having fun!” Tsukki tried to argue, holding onto the couch. He giggled again, and Kenma shrugged. He didn’t seem to care either way, even though Kuroo mouthed ‘help me’. 

“I’m sure, but we have to go to sleep,” Kuroo insisted. 

“Do you think Keiji and Koutarou know I love them?” Kei interrupted. He frowned at that, eyes welling up with tears. “Do  _ you  _ know I love you? Tetsu...am I too mean? I don’t mean it...I’m sorry...we should call them-!”

“Nonono, baby, we’re in America. It’s a different time there, remember?” Kuroo tried to grab Tsukki’s phone away from him, but he couldn’t before he hit call. “Kei! Kei, c’mon!  _ Stop _ !” Tsukki put the phone on speaker and Kenma looked at the sky, as if begging for this to stop. 

“Tsukki? What’s up, babe? Are you and Tetsu having fun? It’s kinda late there, right?” Bokuto asked, obviously just getting back from a run. 

“Kou...I just love you so much…” Kei sniffled, starting to sob into his hand. 

“Uh...I love you too? Are you...are you crying?” Bokuto seemed confused more than anything. 

“Who’s crying?” Akaashi asked faintly. “Is that Tsukki and Kuroo? Let me talk to them.”

“Keiji!” Tsukki shouted into the phone, “Tetsu, why can’t he hear me?” 

“He can hear you fine babe,” Tetsurou was so dead after this. Akaashi was going to kill him and then Yamaguchi was going to kill him, oh god. 

“Kei, love,” Akaashi said gently. “Why don’t you go to bed?” 

“I miss you,” Kei said miserably, hiccuping through his tears. “Come here.”

“I can’t, sweetheart,” Akaashi murmured. “Go to sleep, and I’ll see you when you get off the plane.”

“B-but I...I love you and I want you  _ now _ ,” Kei let out an ugly sob and looked up at Kuroo. “It’s because I’m too mean, right? You all  _ hate me _ because I’m awful.”

“No! Of course not, shh, can I talk to Kuroo please, Kei?” Tsukki sobbed harder at that and Kenma awkwardly pat him on the arm. “Why is he crying, Kuroo?”

“Um...I’m not super sure about that one?” Kuroo choked out. “I mean...it’s kind of cute…?”

“Make him stop crying  _ now _ ,” Akaashi growled.

“Ok! Ok, right! Maybe um...maybe Bokuto could? On a skype call?” Kuroo offered. Bokuto was best at cheering all of them up. Tsukki also secretly adored him. “I’ll move him up to the bed and we can try and get him to calm down upstairs.”

“I don’t care what you do, just fix it.” Akaashi hangs up, but the call is instantly replaced with a skype notification. 

“Kuroo, please take your boyfriend away from me,” Kenma begs. It seems Tsukki was trying to explain his research to Kenma, but he switched from crying back to laughing. Once Kei notices Kuroo looking at him, he returns to his sniffles. 

“No! Don’t cry babe, um...here! Talk to Bo!” Kuroo thrusts the phone at Tsukki, whose eyes are puffy and red (for multiple reasons).

“Hey Tsukki-babe! Why’re you so sad?” Bokuto asked gently. Tsukki begins to explain to the best of his ability, how he thought he was too mean and that they were too bad for him as Kuroo drags him towards their shared guest room. Kenma helps to the best of his ability, but quickly leaves when he has the door locked. “That’s silly, moonshine! We love you so much! You’re the best cuddler ever, and you give the softest kisses! And, you’re really smart! And dress super well! And you let me cuddle you up when ‘Kaashi isn’t in the mood but I am!”

“R-Really?” Kei asks weakly. He looks back at his hand and frowns. “Kuroo, why do I have three hands?” 

“W-what?” Kuroo stares at his arm and back at Tsukki. There are still only two hands, but Kei is convinced. Kuroo wants to crawl up under the bed and die there. 

“Koutarou, I have three hands,” Kei says casually. “And my fingers are moving on their own.”

“Uh…” Keiji whispers something in Bokuto’s ear. “They’ll go away babe. Keiji said so, and he’s always right.” Tsukki nods at that. It makes sense to him, even high off his mind. “When you get back, I’ll give you the bestest post-sex cuddles in the whole wide world! I’ll scratch your back just like you like! We can do the little kisses too!” 

“Promise?” Tsukki asks shyly, distracted from his hand as Kuroo tucks him into bed. “I want that right now, Kou.”

“I know, me too! But you gotta come home first, and you gotta sleep to do that,” Why was Bokuto so good at this? Why did high-Kei only want him? Kuroo would be jealous, if he wasn’t so exhausted by the situation. 

“Do you think the dinosaurs would like me?” Kei asks, mumbling sleepily into the phone. 

“Yeah,” Bokuto answers easily. He seems to be lounging on the couch, drinking a smoothie after his run. “I think they’d accept you as one of them.” 

“I hope so, I just really love dinosaurs, Bo,” Kei murmurs, eyes closing. “And I love you. And Keiji. And Tetsu…” 

“We love you too, lovely,” Akaashi tells him. “Go to bed, alright? We’ll see you soon.”

“Mmkay,” Tsukki slurs out. “Tetsu, can you cuddle me?” 

“I can manage that,” Kuroo tells him, climbing into bed next to him and maneuvering Tsukki in his arms. Tsukki had hung up, and Kuroo managed to remove the phone from his grip to put it on the table. 

“Tetsu?” Tsukki whispers, eyes trying to open up. 

“Mhm?” Tetsurou responds, rubbing soft circles into Tsukki’s back over his soft t-shirt. 

“I love you lots too, but I think you gave me the wrong food,” Tsukki tells him strictly. “So...watch out...okay?”

“Yes, baby,” Kuroo tells him. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok...you give the best hugs…” Tsukki trails off, hazy eyes trying to focus on Kuroo. “I love you so much.”

“How much?” Kuroo plants kisses on Tsukki’s face, drawing out giggles. He knew this wasn’t really anything like his boyfriend, but it was still cute to see (even if it was mildly horrifying). He missed  _ his  _ Tsukki though. The one who was quick-witted and made you work for affection. 

“As much as I possibly can love anyone, I think,” He mumbles, breath finally evening out as he drifts off to sleep. 

\---

“Marijuana Tetsu?! You let me eat  _ five weed gummies _ !?” 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” Tetsurou whines, trailing after Tsukki in the airport. 

“I want two strawberry shortcakes and a back massage...and for you to let me top!” Tsukki glowers at him. 

“But you  _ love  _ me!” Kuroo teases mildly. 

“ _ Shut up _ !” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this fic is so dumb, anyways here you go! excuse to write sappy tsukki <3 as always send me comments and kudos, I love them dearly


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stupid end to a stupid fic. thanks for the journey

“So you’re not gonna tell them?” Yamaguchi asked, driving Tsukki to his dentist’s appointment. “And you don’t see why this  _ might _ be an issue?”

“I just embarrassed myself three separate times, and I will not be doing it again. I’m going to lose my reputation, Tadashi,” Tsukki grumbled, staring nervously at the road. “When I get back, I’ll just be swollen. The drugs will wear off.” 

“Your reputation as what? You’ve been dating them for a year, and you think they haven’t figured out that you’re a huge softy?” Yamaguchi rolls his eyes, pulling into the office and parking. He turns to look at Tsukki. “Call them right now and tell them or I’ll embarrass you when you’re inevitably still high off your ass.”

“Tadashi, please don’t,” He looks worried now. “Don’t! I’ll call them.” Yamaguchi seems sated. “After. I’ll call them after.”

“You’re ridiculous, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi sighs. Tadashi had intended to stay in the car while Tsukki got his wisdom teeth removed and then drive him back to his shared apartment with Terushima. He had a feeling though that a certain blond would cry like a baby if he tried to take him anywhere else but home to his little harem. As much as Tsukki  _ pretended _ he was cold and aloof, he absolutely adored them. Tadashi was happy for him - he really was - but he really wished Tsukki would stop being so stubborn. 

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” Tsukki assured him, walking towards the office and leaving Tadashi on his own. When a few minutes had passed, and it was obvious Kei was going to be in there for a while, Yamaguchi called Akaashi. 

“Hello Yamaguchi, is everything alright?” Akaashi answered easily. It was a Friday, meaning Akaashi had off work and Kuroo and Bokuto would be home early. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that Tsukki has a wisdom teeth removal surgery he was too stubborn to tell you about. He wanted to hide in my house with it, but I have an inkling he’s gonna whine until I take him home,” Yamaguchi scrolled through his phone idly. “I left some soft foods in your fridge, and I’ll get him some ice cream on the way back. Considering how stupid he gets on drugs, just prepare for that.”

“Thank you for letting me know,” Akaashi laughs, seemingly amused that Tsukki wanted to hide it from him. “I’ll tell Tetsurou and Koutarou and we’ll watch him. How long until you get back?” 

“Uh...two hours?” Yamaguchi answers. “I’m not sure how bad he’ll be...based on his last few months, it’ll be at least mildly entertaining.”

“I’m sure,” Akaashi agrees, “I’ll get his pajamas and blanket ready. I’m sure he’ll be tired.” Yamaguchi liked Akaashi - he was a level-headed gem in an idiotic field of coal. 

\---

When Tsukki returned from the dentists, he had to be walked out dazedly to Tadashi’s car. “Hey, Kei!” Yamaguchi said cheerfully. “How’d it go?” The question was mostly to the nurse helping him out. 

“They took my teeth,” Tsukki answered, his voice slurred. “Will I get them back?”

“No, buddy,” Yamaguchi patted his arm, trying to listen to the care instructions that the amused nurse offered. She handed Yamaguchi a piece of paper with the full list of requirements for recovery as Tsukki tried to buckle himself in. 

“Yama,” He muttered, eyes trying to focus on his best friend in the driver's seat. He squinted, reaching for glasses that were not there. 

“One sec, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi nodded at the woman, smiling apologetically as she explained what he could and could not eat. 

“ _ Yama _ , Tadashi. Tadashi!” His words were barely distinguishable through the gauze, and he reached in his mouth to take it out. 

“Nope, not doing that, c’mon, hands out of your mouth,” Yamaguchi’s focus re-centered, pulling Tsukki’s hands away from his face. “Gauze has to stay put, Kei. Can I finish talking to the nurse?”

“I want...ice cream,” Tsukki declared, tugging on Tadashi’s sleeve. “She took my teeth. She has to go.”

“She didn’t-ok, fine. I’ll get you ice cream in a second.” Yamaguchi thanked the nurse, rolling his eyes and turning the car on. “Put your seatbelt on.”

“My hands won’t work,” Kei told him helpfully, sitting back in the seat. Yamaguchi sighed, looking up at the roof of the car, begging for patience from some higher power. Without saying anything, Tadashi buckled him in, watching as he slumped back into the chair. 

“Good?” Tsukki nodded at the question, yawning. “Wanna go home and sleep or ice cream?” 

“Ice cream,” Tsukki murmured. “Where are we going after?” He looked with wide eyes out the car window, fascinated by the passing landscape. 

“You wanted me to take you to my house,” Yamaguchi answered, pulling out of the dentist’s office. “Hey! Keep your hands on your lap. If you take out the gauze, no ice cream.” Kei gave him an incredibly offended look. “I know it sucks, but you have to let the gauze stay in.”

“Itches,” Kei tells him, “Why can’t we go back to my house?” Tsukki asks, trying to pull out his phone. “Are Akaashi and Bokuto and Kuroo coming over to your house?”

“No, you asked me not to let you talk to them,” Yamaguchi reminds him. Kei did not have his phone, Yamaguchi had safely tucked it away in the glove compartment. 

“I didn’t say that,” Tsukki argues, trying to peer out the window of the car to look at the ice cream flavors. His cheeks were adorably swollen, and his hair was messy (which would have horrified him if he wasn’t so out of it). Tadashi sighed. 

“I’m getting you vanilla soft serve,” He told Kei, who whined at the recommendation. “It’ll be the best for you, right now. I’ll get you another flavor later.”

“‘Dashi, I want sprinkles,” Tsukki slurred, pouting. His hands, yet again, reached towards his mouth and Yamaguchi groaned. 

“Hands down. Don’t care, no sprinkles. You can’t chew right now. Do you want Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi or do you want to go to my house?” That forced Tsukki to think, and his eyes furrowed dramatically. 

“Want them,” Tsukki murmured, closing his eyes. “At your house.”

“One or the other, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi agreed, handing Tsukki his ice cream. “Eat that. Try not to get it on you, ok?” 

“How do I eat it without my teeth?” Kei argued, grabbing the spoon with his fist. “Yama, they took my teeth from me.”

“I know, you said that already,” Yamaguchi pulls out his phone, hoping to god that Akaashi would convince Tsukki to go back to them. As much as he was willing to take care of Tsukki, he was not willing to listen to the constant crying for them that would inevitably happen. “Hello?”

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s up, Freckles?” Kuroo answered the phone. “Are you with Tsukki? How’d his surgery go?” 

“He’s with me now, but he won’t decide where he wants to go,” Yamaguchi tells him. Kuroo was a hit or miss - he would definitely find something like this entertaining, but he probably would want Kei home for himself. 

“Who’s that?” Tsukki asks from the passenger seat. 

“It’s Kuroo,” Yamaguchi explains. “Hey! I got you a  _ spoon _ , Kei! Please, he’s trying to eat his ice cream with his fingers.” Kuroo laughed loudly, obviously thinking this was so funny. He wasn’t the one who would be cleaning soft serve off his car seats! 

“Tetsu, stop laughing,” Tsukki whined, grabbing at the phone. “I can’t use my fingers for the spoon.”

“Alright baby,” Kuroo tries to calm his laughing down, but it’s not working. “I’ll help you out at ours, yeah? Let Yamaguchi go home.” 

“Can’t Yama stay over?” Tsukki asks him, frowning. 

“He could, but he has his own boyfriend and house,” Kuroo reminded him. “I got your pajamas and favorite blanket right here. Don’t you want Bo to carry you?” 

“Mm,” Tsukki hummed in agreement. Yamaguchi sighed in relief, starting the drive back to Tsukki’s own house. “Tetsu, they took my teeth.”

“I know, moonshine,” Kuroo laughed again. “We’ll avenge your teeth, ok?” 

“K...but after we take a nap…can I be the little spoon?” Tsukki was obviously tiring himself out, but he seemed happy when Kuroo answered yes. “How long till we get home?” 

“A few minutes,” Yamaguchi answered, thankful that his focus was drawn away from the gauze in his mouth. “Hands down, Kei. I said no touching your mouth.”

“Kuroo, it’s itchy,” Tsukki whined. 

“Listen to Tadashi or Akaashi won’t join our nap,” Kuroo threatened, but there was no actual anger in his voice. Kei sniffled, eyes welling up with tears. “Oh shit, uh...I was kidding baby! Akaashi is gonna join! I promise!” Kei started crying harder and Yamaguchi hissed as he pulled into their driveway with a vengeance. He was going to punch that supid ass  _ bitch _ in the face. “Babe! Seriously, it’ll be ok! I see you in the driveway, I’ll be right out!” 

Yamaguchi unbuckled Tsukki’s seat belt, glaring at the current aim of his anger. “Way to go  _ Kuroo _ ,” Yamaguchi scowls. It’s not that Tadashi didn’t like him or anything, but he was exhausted and getting Tsukki to calm down was a lot. 

“You know, you’re definitely scarier than Tsukki,” Kuroo muttered. “Hey Precious, wanna go inside with me?” 

“...carry me?” Tsukki murmurs, wiping at his face sloppily. Yamaguchi would still be pissed if he didn’t catch the look of absolute fondness on Kuroo’s face. Alright, he was on thin ice. 

“Anything you want,” Tetsurou promised, “C’mon! We can get you in your PJs while ‘Kaashi talks to Yamaguchi.”

“Mmkay,” Tsukki agreed, holding out his arms for Kuroo to scoop him out of his seat. Kuroo complies, rolling his eyes but grinning widely. “You smell good.”

“Thanks, I just showered,” Kuroo tells him. “Bo is still at practice, but do you wanna start cuddling now and have him catch up later?”

“Mm…” Tsukki trailed off, as Yamaguchi locked his car and walked behind them. “Yeah…” Tsukki rubs his cheek into the spot between Kuroo’s neck and collarbone, relaxing into the touch. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Kuroo pressed a kiss against Tsukki’s temple, waiting for Tadashi to open the door and heading up the stairs. 

“Dinosaur pajamas…?” Kei asks sleepily. 

“Nothing less for you baby,” Kuroo assures him. “You’re so cute. I’m happy this happened without one of us messing up…”

“Tetsuuu,” Tsukki whines. “You’re really hot…”

“Yeah?” Tetsurou starts to pull off Tsukki’s sweats to get him in the famous fuzzy pants. Downstairs, Akaashi and Yamaguchi talk about the methods of care while Yamaguchi explains that Kei so far seemed ok (if a bit upset about the missing teeth). “Thank you!”

“Super hot...and nice to me...and funny...don’t deserve it at all,” Tsukki slurs, falling back onto the bed and reaching in his mouth to pull at the gauze. 

“Ah ah, keep it in there hot stuff,” Kuroo holds onto Tsukki’s hands and kisses his knuckles softly. “You deserve the whole world, and after you’re done being high, I’ll remind you over and over and over.”

Akaashi peeked his head in through the door. “Yamaguchi left, how are you doing, love?” Akaashi ran his fingers through Kei’s hair, trying to fix it up for him. 

“Sleepy,” Kuroo answered for him, when he seemed to lose focus in the conversation, leaning into Akaashi’s touch. “And a little sentimental, right?”

“Mm,” Tsukki hummed appreciatively, letting his limbs go limp even as Tetsurou tried to pry his shirt off. 

“Kei, raise your arms for him,” Akaashi told him. Tsukki shook his head, opening his mouth experimentally and poking at his cheeks. Akaashi sighed, lifting up Tsukki’s right arm and then his left to help Kuroo out, and then pulling his hands away from his face. “I’m going to switch your gauze while Tetsu changes your shirt, ok? Don’t touch your face.” Kei whined when Akaashi left. 

“Tetsu?” Kei asked.

“Mhm?” Tetsurou answered, pulling a loose t-shirt over his blond hair. 

“Kaashi’s really pretty,” Kuroo laughed at that, tugging his arms through the sleeves and nodding appreciatively. 

“You’re right about that one,” Kuroo agreed. “Your cheeks are so puffy baby, it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life.”

“‘M cute?” Akaashi returned, holding onto Tsukki’s chin tenderly and pulling out the bloody gauze. He replaced them with new rolls, kissing Kei on the nose after he was done. 

“Very,” Akaashi told him. “Go to sleep, I’ll join you in a second.” 

“No,” Kei whined. “Akaashi...your eyes are so blue...and you’re so nice to me...how come we’re all dating again? You guys should just date each other…”

“Stop that,” Akaashi scowled, “We love you so much, Kei. We’re nice to you because you are very deserving of our kindness. Now go to bed, and we’ll talk about this after alright?” 

“Where’s Bokuto?” Tsukki asked, letting Kuroo drag him down. “I want him…”

“He’s on his way home,” Akaashi promised, Tetsurou nodded, twirling pieces of blonde hair in between his fingers. Kuroo pulled Tsukki gently against his chest, careful of the swollen face and scratching his hands into Tsukki’s scalp. “He’ll join when he gets back, then I’ll give you apple sauce for dinner and hopefully, you’ll be a little more present.”

“I’m present now,” Tsukki argued, voice softening as he drifted off. “Mm, love you.”

\---

As promised, Bokuto did return. He cooed over their sleeping boyfriends swollen cheeks for a second, taking pictures of his face pressed into Tetsu’s chest. Akaashi climbed out of bed once Bokuto finished showering. “I’m gonna go make us dinner with Kuroo, can you hold down Kei please?” Koutarou nodded, cuddling up to Tsukki’s side and kissing his temple. 

Tsukki woke up while Akaashi and Kuroo were downstairs, very disoriented and confused. He was leaning on Bokuto’s chest while Bokuto checked his twitter and texted his teammates. “Hey baby cakes!” Bokuto smiled down at him. “Good nap?”

“What’s happening?” Tsukki asked. “Mouth hurts.”

“I know, you got your teeth removed, silly!” Bokuto tells him, eyes open wide. 

“Why’d they take my teeth?” Tsukki asks, voice coming out slurred. He moves his hands towards his teeth (again), and Bokuto grabs his hands gently. 

“Kaashi said no hands in mouth,” Bokuto tells him seriously. “They took your teeth cuz you needed more space in your mouth.”

“...where’d Keiji and Tetsurou go?” Kei asked, looking around. “Did they leave?” 

“They’re making us something to eat,” Koutarou answered, playing with the fingers on Tsukki’s left hand. 

“Oh…” Kei’s eyes focused on Koutarou for a moment, but he seemed to be having issues with concentration. “I really like you.” Kei tells Bokuto with a murmur, leaning his head back down.

“I really like you, too!” Bokuto smiled at him, teeth showing gleefully. 

“But you’re dating Akaashi and Kuroo…” Tsukki was obviously confused. Bokuto found it really cute - he was confused pretty often too, so he was willing to be patient. 

“And you! We’re all dating, babe!” Kou reminded him. “Want me to carry you downstairs?”

“We’re dating?” Tsukki mused. “Whoa...that’s so cool…” He lets Koutarou scoop him up and carry him down the stairs into the kitchen. “You’re really attractive. And sweet. And I like the way you carry me around.”

“Aw, Tsukki! I’m gonna blush!” Koutarou grins down at him. “You’re the cutest thing ever! High Tsukki gets so sappy.” Akaashi nodded in agreement, passing Kei a spoon and a bowl of applesauce while serving the rest of them a plate of chicken and rice. 

“Why can’t I have that?” Kei asked, pouting at his apple sauce. 

“You can’t chew right now, love,” Keiji tells him sternly. “Kei, for the last time, hands out of your mouth.” Kei looked up at him, eyes wide. Akaashi seems to instantly think about his mistake. “Wait, I didn’t-”

Kei instantly burst into tears, wetness dripping onto his cheeks. Kuroo hushes him gently, moving to put Tsukki on his lap and rub circles into his back. “I’m sorry,” Tsukki sobs. 

“It’s ok, baby. Keiji just doesn’t want you to hurt yourself,” Kuroo assures him, wiping at his eyes with a tissue. “C’mon. Applesauce time, then go back to sleep. Tomorrow you’ll feel a lot better.” Bokuto nods encouragingly, holding up a spoon and feeding it to him. Tsukki sniffled, taking his food and going to bed, as instructed. 

\---

“I’m moving out,” Tsukki groaned the next morning, cheeks red. 

“Tsukki  _ wait _ !” Bokuto yelped, following him down the stairs. “It was so cute! I promise!” 

“Yeah, someone cares about us!” Kuroo teased. “But we missed the usual snarky you, if that makes you feel better.” Akaashi hummed in agreement. “Not that we’d mind the sweet little baby that you turn into every once in a while-ow! Stop hitting me!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i cannot believe i wrote this I am such a fool and buffoon thanks for entertaining my idiocy xoxo 
> 
> as always I love kudos and comments <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: vomiting, emetophobia be warned 
> 
> akaashi stans, this for u 
> 
> also thank you cass for ur support and help in plotting out hehe

Akaashi had no idea how he wound up getting an invitation to a girl's night out, but he wasn’t necessarily upset about it. He more...had no idea what to do. Should he go? Would it be appropriate for him to be there...even though he wasn’t that close with some of the people attending? He’s sure he got his invite because Yukie and Kaori put in a good word for him...which was odd. He was sure this was a mistake and he should let them know that they sent their invitation to the wrong address. “What’s that, babe?” Bokuto leaned his head on Akaashi’s shoulder, nuzzling into his neck.

“Oh, it’s from Yukie and Kaori. They invited me to ah...girl’s night,” He shows Bokuto the invite. He pouts, grabbing the letter. “I think it might be a mistake, though.”

“Kaashi, they hand wrote your name in pink glitter pen. How is that a mistake?” Bokuto humphed to himself. “Where’s  _ my  _ invite?” 

“Your invite to what?” Kuroo asked, sipping his coffee and looking at the very bright letter curiously. 

“Girl’s night!” Koutarou whined. “Keiji gets to go to girl’s night, and I don’t!” 

“I don’t want to intrude,” Akaashi assures them. “So I will not be going. Definitely not.”

“You should go!” Kuroo argued. “You obviously are not intruding if you got a personalized invitation. I’m sure it’ll be fun. I’ll entertain Kei and Koutarou for the night and you go have fun with your friends!” 

“Maybe,” Keiji muttered. “I’ll call Yukie and ask her what normally happens.” 

“Ask her if I can come,” Bokuto whines, poking at Kuroo’s cheek. 

“Let Keiji have time without us, Kou,” Kuroo rolls his eyes.

\---

Akaashi calls Yukie when he’s by himself the next morning. Kei is downstairs, sipping his morning coffee and watching National Geographic while Bokuto and Kuroo go for a run. “Akaashi! You better be calling me to RSVP yes to my girl’s night!” She yelled over the phone. He winced at the volume. 

  
“Well, I didn’t want to impose or anything-”

“It’s not imposing if we invited you!” she argues. “We polled and everyone agreed we’d love to have you! Just bring a bottle of wine or something!” 

“...alright, if you insist,” Akaashi muttered, clearing his throat. “I will be there. This won’t be too crazy, will it?” 

“Of course not, Keiji!” Yukie promised. “You’ll have fun and then I will send you back to your little boy toys all safe and sound.”

\---

“I’m about to leave, did you order the pizza, Kei?” Keiji asked, frowning. Tsukki rolled his eyes, nodding from the couch. 

“Yes, yes. Stop mothering and go have fun, Akaashi,” Kei muttered. “We love you, but go relax for once.”

Akaashi pouted at that, trying to hold in his disappointment. He knew he was a bit of a nag, but he tried very hard to not dote too hard on his boyfriends so he wasn’t overbearing. He could have fun! He was very capable!

“Bye Keiji!” Bokuto cheered. “Love you! See you later!” Akaashi frowned, but he left anyway, hopping into the backseat of Yukie’s car. He had a bottle of white wine in a bag that he brought for everyone. 

“Ready?” Kaori asked, grinning at him from the front seat. “You’re gonna have so much fun! We play lots of drinking games and talk about all the drama in our lives and watch shitty T.V! Girl’s night is the best!” 

“I’m a little nervous but...I don’t drink very often. I probably won’t indulge too much,” Akaashi muttered, shyly looking out the window. 

“Yeah, yeah, no one starts out girl’s night thinking they’re gonna get blacked out. You’ll see, though! It’ll be so fun!” Kaori giggled. 

“I don’t think I’ll go overboard,” Akaashi tells her stubbornly. “Also Koutarou was slightly jealous he didn’t get invited.”

“Yeah, well he’s not allowed at girl’s night,” Yukie rolls her eyes. “You deserve alone time! You  _ need _ this Keiji!” He hummed appreciatively, fiddling with his fingers as they pulled up to Yukie’s house. Karasuno’s two managers, Yachi and Kiyoko were there, as well as Tanaka’s older sister, and Lev’s older sister. Akaashi was overwhelmed by the amount of people he didn’t know too well. He had spent a decent amount of time with Alisa, having had Lev over occasionally when Kuroo was in the mood to deal with him, but Tsukki always visited Kiyoko and Yachi at Yamaguchi’s house. He blamed the initial social anxiety on his first shot of vodka, which was encouraged by their resident Russian. The girls cheered, and the rest of them joined him in his shot, and he told himself that would be the only one in the night. 

Wow, he was  _ so _ wrong. 

He doesn’t know when the bottle of tequila came out, but oh god, it did. The next thing he knows, he’s slurring his words and giggling at dumb jokes. They were playing never have I ever, and somehow it got into a conversation about Akaashi’s recent debacle. “They think I’m boring,” Akaashi hiccups, leaning heavily on Alisa and taking a sip of his wine. 

“No!” Saeko gasps, offended on his behalf. She shakes her head, chugging from her drink and wiping her mouth sloppily. “You are  _ not _ boring! Plus...plus you got the nicest skin...and your ass! Your ass is so good, baby!” 

“Yeah, Kaashi!” Kaori cheers. “You’re so hot! And your boyfriends are lucky to have you!” Akaashi nodded fervently, fumbling for his phone to tell them that they sucked! He was great! They should  _ apologize _ ! 

“Let’s call them!” Yukie insists. “C’mon, c’mon! Lemme call them and  _ fight them _ !” Akaashi shook his head. 

“No, no,” He argued. “I love them...lots...seriously...I love them so much…” He sniffled, suddenly missing his idiots with a passion. He wanted hugs and kisses, and he wanted other stuff too. Before Akaashi can protest, Yukie is dialing a number on his phone. “Wait...Yukie!” 

“Hello?” Tsukki picked up the phone, but Akaashi was kinda mad at him still. “Keiji? Do you need us to come get you?”

“Screw you!” Yukie called into the phone. “Akaashi isn’t boring!” 

“Yeah, Kei!” Saeko called. “Blonde asshole! Your boyfriend is the coolest!” 

“I...yeah? I know...we’re dating?” Tsukki seemed genuinely confused. “Can you put Akaashi on the phone?” He was bawling at this point, crying into Kaori’s shirt. She shushed him and rubbed at his book.

“He’s  _ crying _ !” Alisa seems shocked, this was a total mess. “Don’t cry Akaashi! You will get circles under your eyes!” 

The phone slipped from his fingers as he shakily took it into his hands. “Keiji?” Tsukki seemed concerned. “Do you want us to get you? I promise I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You know I love you, and I don’t think you’re boring.” Akaashi started to cry harder, voice wavering. “I’m really sorry, Keiji.” Kei had some issues talking about his real feelings, and he tended to snap when he felt like he was bordering vulnerable. He defaulted to rude to keep people out, and Akaashi logically knew that he didn’t mean it. He needed some reassurance though, and he was drunk enough to say it. 

“Tell me what you always say,” Akaashi sniffles, wiping at his nose. Whenever they were alone, Kei was a different person. Sweet and a little bashful. He always said this specific thing when he was tired or sleepy or feeling a little sentimental. Keiji wasn’t going home until he heard it, though. Right now. 

“...in front of everyone?” Kei asked weakly. He was definitely red. Akaashi did not care, for once. 

“What is he talking about babe?” Bokuto asks suspiciously from outside. 

“Kei, I want it  _ now _ ,” Akaashi pouts as Alisa dabs at his face with a cool towel. She hummed in encouragement. 

“Ok! Ok...ugh…” Kuroo seemed to be laughing at him over the phone. “I love you more than I love the moon and the sky...” He mumbled out the last bit, ignoring gasps from Koutarou and the beginnings of laughter from Kuroo. 

“And?” Akaashi pushes, staring at the shocked faces of the girls in the room. 

“And...you’re my little... _ stop laughing, Kuroo!  _ You’re my little dinosaur! Ok! Come home now!” Kuroo and Bokuto were laughing hysterically on the other line, and the rest of the girls he was with were snickering too. 

“That was so  _ cute _ , Tsukki!” Bokuto is gasping for breath. “Oh god...his little dinosaur…”

“Shut up! I’m never talking to you ever again,” Kei hisses, “Akaashi, can we come get you now?”

“I want you  _ right now _ ,” Akaashi begs into the phone. “Right now, right now, right now.”

“Babe, how much did you drink?” Kuroo asks weakly. “We’re on our way right now. Just wait for us, ok hot stuff?” Akaashi whines and Alisa shushes him, petting his head. 

“Keiji, I have never seen you this messed up,” Yukie notes, dragging him upright. He immediately slouched back down into his seat, so she gave up quickly. 

“I’m not drunk…” Akaashi insists, “I am...I am good...I want more to drink…” He grabbed at the wine bottle on the table and took a giant swig. Alisa and Saeko cheered and Kaori winced, but smiled supportively. 

“Kuroo says he’s on his way to come get you Akaashi,” Yukie assures him. “Even though I think you can have so much fun if you stay over.” The rest of the girls nod, despite him shaking his head. 

“No, I want to go to bed,” Akaashi tells her, words slurring. He adjusted the glasses he was wearing until he eventually gave up with them and threw them across the room. 

“Babe, why’d you  _ throw  _ those?” someone had entered the room, and although Akaashi fully recognized them, he was not positive. He was, therefore, suspicious. “C’mon Keiji, it’s home time.”

“Who the hell are you?” Keiji hissed, shuffling back. The room was silent for a minute.

“I...what?” The man in question seemed confused, and a bit offended if Keiji was honest. “I’m Kuroo? Your boyfriend? We’ve been dating for two and a half years?” 

“You are  _ not _ Kuroo,” Akaashi says stubbornly. He looks at the girls, who are staring at him slack-jawed. What? He wasn’t going home with some stranger? That’s ridiculous! “Leave me alone!” 

“Oh my god, Akaashi, please-” ‘Kuroo’ starts to say, he’s obviously finding this really funny. It’s not though! He was going to get kidnapped by this imposter! 

“If you’re Kuroo, how big is his dick?” Akaashi asks suspiciously, crossing his arms. 

“Keiji, I am not telling a room of your friends how big my dick is,” Kuroo deadpans. “Jesus, I’m getting Koutarou in here-”

“If he’s here, then why isn’t he holding me right now?” Keiji asked, letting this supposed boyfriend hold his hand. “Your hand feels like Tetsurou’s hand…” The room of girls was cackling loudly, although he personally didn’t think this was very funny. “Yukie, I think they’re trying to kidnap me!” 

“No, ‘Kaashi, that’s your boyfriend. He just got a haircut,” she assures him, hiding her giggles behind a hand. 

“Oh!” Akaashi nods appreciatively, ignoring Kuroo’s (confirmed now) groan of pain. “Hi Tetsu, can you carry me? I think I’m gonna throw up.” Akaashi slurred at him, letting Tetsu drag him away from the living room. 

“Are you going to throw up right now?” Kuroo asks him, letting Akaashi jump on his back anyways. He was so sweet.

Akaashi sniffled against the back of his neck, burying his face into the soft skin. “I love you. I’m sorry I thought you were someone else and also I’m sorry I might throw up on you.”

“Aw! Of course baby- wait, you might what?” Kuroo yelped, putting Akaashi down by some bushes. “Throw up in the bushes, no! Not on me! Akaashi,  _ stop _ !” Akaashi giggled to himself, but he kneeled down on the ground by the bushes anyways. “Good, amazing work babe, want me to rub your back?” 

“Yes, please,” Akaashi murmurs softly, groaning and emptying the content of his stomachs into his friend’s shrubbery. He probably could’ve used the bathroom, but he wanted to be home. Kuroo kneels next to him, tracing circles into the back of Akaashi’s shirt and running a hand through his hair. 

“All done, babycakes?” Akaashi nodded, leaning against Kuroo and closing his eyes. He was very comfortable on the ground, so it might be time to go to sleep. “Whoa, whoa. We gotta get you home and cleaned off, c’mon Keiji.”

“Carry me?” Akaashi asks again. Kuroo sighs, scooping him up and letting Keiji wrap his arms around Kuroo’s neck as he puts him down in the car. Bokuto is in the back seat with him, and Kei is upfront.    
  


“‘Kaashi!” Bokuto shouts, smiling at him and pulling him close. “I missed you! Did you have fun?”

“Mhm,” Akaashi drawls back, yawning against Bokuto’s shoulder. “I wanna nap.”

“Maybe wait until we get you showered and your teeth brushed,” Bokuto offers, kissing his fingers softly as they hold hands. “I’m glad it was fun though, Keiji! What’d you do?”

“Played some games, and talked about stuff,” Keiji murmurs, giggling when Bokuto squeezes his cheeks together. Kei snorts from the front seat, but he’s mostly quiet for the ride. Akaashi notes this as possibly important, but he decides to dwell on it later. 

When they get home, Bokuto piggy-backs him to their bathroom, encouraged by Akaashi’s soft laughter and finagles him in the shower - Keiji tries to maybe turn it into something more  _ fun _ , but Bokuto tsks at him and kisses his nose and says “Maybe later, love of my life,” and it’s too sweet for Keiji to complain much. When he gets out of the shower, Kei helps him get dressed into an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxers (which is difficult! The world is  _ spinning _ ) and kisses him on the forehead. 

“You know I love you, right Keiji?” Kei tries to come off as aloof, but he has the cutest pout in the whole world on his face and Akaashi laughs, sloppily pulling him in for a kiss. 

“You’re secretly…” Akaashi hiccups, climbing into the bed that Kei has pushed back for him. “You’re secretly the biggest softie ever. I know you love me, and I love you so so much. Super duper a lot.” 

“Do you love me, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto pouts at the lack of attention, and Keiji hums an affirmative cuddling close to him. 

“I love you, and I love Tetsu and I love us all together,” Akaashi promises him. 

“You’re gonna make me  _ blush _ ,” Kuroo mocks, but he tugs Tsukki into the bed with him after shutting off the lights. “Love you all though, I’ll make sure to get on your hangover cure tomorrow.”

“Not even drunk,” Akaashi murmurs, face buried into Bokuto’s chest. Kuroo barks out a laugh at that, and Tsukki tells him to shut up and sleep.

\---

“How is it that you’re  _ never _ hungover,” Kuroo whines, sipping his coffee. Tsukki nods at the critique, shooting the completely-fine Akaashi a glare. 

“Not sure,” Akaashi answers. “I do apologize for almost throwing up on you, Tetsu.”

“That’s alright, babe,” Kuroo tells him. 

“And I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, Kei,” Akaashi wraps his arms behind Tsukki in a hug, ignoring the cackles from the other two. 

  
“Babe, he could never be mad at  _ his little dinosaur _ -ow! Ok! I’m sorry!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I am a full-time student, so I've been super busy! happy to write it though <3 hope you enjoy! see you all for the next BAKT series (do I smell an AU?) and read the other fics I've written if you so wish! love yall! Leave kudos and comments if you so desire
> 
> also, join my discord server!   
> https://discord.gg/yq8xhk

**Author's Note:**

> this is so dumb, if you read this, rip. leave comments and kudos, i love them dearly <3


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